Expressionism and artistic value

Hm… this blog isn’t nearly as active as I thought it was going to be but I finally have a subject to talk about.

Since a couple of days, I’ve been dabbling more into expressionism and experimental art, more than I ever have since I started to draw. It was very anxiety inducing at first, worrying over the smallest details and mistakes but in the past two days I’ve made like 5-6 drawings just focusing on getting my emotions onto a canvas. I still need to upload them but there's that.

For a while now I’ve been unhappy with my work. Not because I think it looks bad, I am quite happy with my skill level atm. But because I’ve been questioning my worth as an artist, a lot of existential stuff. I know we will all fade into nothingness at one point but I felt so angry at myself for not expressing myself properly. Not creating art made from emotions to give emotions to people who view it, only trying to make the next pretty picture, always ramping up my skill level, never actually focusing on emotions beyond projection onto some OCs and it was killing me.

On the 17th april of 2023 I had a drawing idea, I wanted to draw my OC Sean Parker overstimulated in a crowd. Sean is an extremely personal character to me, I project a lot of internalized issues I have onto him and drawing him is much less cringe inducing than drawing a self portrait for serious work. I have created slightly experimental work before, but I was inspired by various artists I follow (Mostly an artist with the handle softslugz on instagram) to mess around and attempt mixed media. I decided to combine 3d models with edited photos and drawings and it was a revelation for me. Just being able to put my feelings into a drawing, treating art as a tool rather than a competition, it made everything click. I felt like after almost 8 years of improving my craft I created ART, not a drawing but a piece.

I’ve been pumping out expressionist artwork nonstop since then, I cant describe how amazing it feels to represent myself through art and still having it feature my OCs that I love so much.

Re-building a site from scratch

Well, the past couple of weeks were quite busy for me. To make a long story short, I moved out and I’m still in the process of trying to find my foot in my new life. But this isn’t what this blog post is about. On my old build I wrote about how making a site like this is relaxing and I still stand by it, but rebuilding it from scratch was an adventure. I started planing the layout(s) last month and planned to include a bit of JS in it, which I technically did but let’s just say… Templates are a life saver for me. I built a couple of web sites before I started construction on the 2.0 build of this site and it was a very good exercise, I feel a lot more confident in my abilities to code with html and css now. I think this re-work was a good idea, it a pretty fun challenge. I still think the template I used is very nice and I appreciate the fact that it was made a LOT (seriously give ocpdzim some love) it was a very good starting ground for me but it’s nice to have more variety now.